M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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