the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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