I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
