I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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