my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
