Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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