Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
