maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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