Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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