if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
