I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
