Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
