i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
