jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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