Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
