mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I love you.
Bad choice
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