god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
