just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
