i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
