They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
