Already got asked if we're dating
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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