How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
