Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
