Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
