I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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