I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
