Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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