I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
