just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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