He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
