Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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