You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
