Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
