if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
