took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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