i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
