THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
