Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i dont even know how to be here
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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