I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
