who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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