Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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