Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
