did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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