so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
