Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
