this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
