I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
