I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
