I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
