I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
