I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
