This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize