i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Two words: nipple clamps
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