Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
