Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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