i already hear my dad disowning me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
