i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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