Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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