ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
