i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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