wanna go halves on a baby?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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