don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
