He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
