why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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