saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
