You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
