If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i out mim tonsoeep
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