We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
