I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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