it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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