I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize