I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
