is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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