Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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