she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
