What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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