dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
