He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
