I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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