My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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