There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
