im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
