Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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