at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
