Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
